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experimentation. pushing the limits of beyond once more.

by myself. as a test to myself. to see if i can reacquire the love i lost not so long ago.
this time a much smaller dose. only 2 drops over the space of an hour.

i think my mind has "expanded" as far as it can stretch without breaking.
it all started so beautifully (much like last time, not as visual. but good. colourful. happy. intense headspace trip)
and then only 2 hours into it. a thought, a lingering memory of that nightmare trip from a few months back.

bang. it comes flooding back. the fear. the paranoia. the twitching.

breathe deep, ignore this horrible drug.
turn the fan on. breathe... count your breaths. go outside.
keep breathing slowly and steadily.

this time 30minutes of despair only. followed by 6 hours of fun.

then following that some lingering schizoid thoughts of the benefits of succumbing to the murderous ill-intent that lingers within and blurring the line between beast and man one final time.

if my mind snaps, attribute it not to this beautiful drug, but more to an already damaged mind being pushed too far by a child of alice.